ugh

this morning i had my third job interview in a week, not for jobs that i really want, but for good jobs, jobs that would support me and lead to a more stable career than my museum dream. two bank teller positions, one of which they won't be hiring after all but they will "keep my information on file" so i will be "pre-screened and ready to go" if a job does open up and i apply again.

the third is working in mortgage collections department of a bank, i have absolutely no experience and i really hope i don't get it, its lots of calling people who are late on their mortgage payment. scary. but i had to apply, my aunt works there in a different department (which is the only reason i got an interview i'm sure) and it pays well and... i don't know, i just managed to talk myself into thinking it would be something i could do. if on the off chance i do get the job i would have to commit to staying there for some time, i couldn't just up and leave if i get hired at a museum. and that scares me more that calling people who are late on their payments.

i don't know what to do, i don't know if i'm ready to give up on my dream job

there is a museum job i do have a chance at, its not the best, just a temporary museum aid job at a historic site i used to volunteer at, but it would be a good foot in the door/stepping stone for other, better, more permanent federal museum jobs, and i would so much rather do that that get hung up on and yelled at for being the big bad bank that is going to foreclose on someone's house because they got laid off and can't make their payments.

*sigh* but i have to grow up and get a real job, a job that may not be my ideal, i just hope i don't get this one, i just want my family to know i tried, that i AM trying...

now i have the rest of the day off, which is good, i really need to paint after that :/