sick and stormy

so i was sick for about a month, finished second course of antibiotics and am finally feeling back to normal. sidelined all of my extra work on things, my etsy page is sadly not as fleshed out as i would have it by this time, have so many different project ideas that need work and design and mock-ups before i can really get going, its tough to find the time.

*T-shirts designs that use applique, screen printing and embroidery

*short and bolero jackets both constructed and knit

*constructed shirts with original decorations using applique, screen printing and embroidery

*over-sized removable collars using textured fabrics, knit and grommets

*cuffs and mitts

*more jewelry using wire knitting and crochet

*learn polymer clay? for jewelry and other applications

*batik for fabrics on purses and maybe jackets

*jackets made out of up-cycled fabrics (comforters) with cello back design

so much to do, need to write out an action plan for each thing... blah

and need to paint more, seems to be the thing that most inspires me

and the weather needs to get nicer, its been so stormy and overcast for the past few weeks, just makes me want to sleep when i should be doing more productive things... so time to make some motivation and get started again, need to be doing things!

some balance is achieved

after several weeks (probably more than a month) of relentless insomnia and creative explosion things have evened out... somewhat. which is good, i feel better, calmer, more in control of my projects.

i have more things posted online, mostly jewelry. i am new to jewelry making. like everything else i just decided that it was something i should do and then set about doing it. most of my endeavorers have been ridiculous and unlikely to interest many like this, but more recent attempts have been more successful, i am beginning to develop thoughts and design ideas that lend themselves to something that someone might actually wear.

my interest in mixing metals and fibers continues and i have begun experimenting with crocheting and knitting wires of different gauges. the result is very fun, shiny, yet soft some how, and the bracelets i've made so far are surprisingly comfortable and bend around the wrist in a nice supple way. still working on technique and style for those....

sewing ideas continue to fly around, i have decided to concentrate on vests since they are small and simple enough for my current production level to maintain. i have the men's pretty much ready to go and am still working with patterns for womens... but oh the buttons! i have become button obsessed, convinced that if i spend enough time looking i will find just the perfect button for each project... thats a lot of buttons, heh.

after an afternoon of trial and error i have mastered the screen printing gizmo that had been sitting in a corner of the office, untouched for more than a year. which is totally exciting, screen printing is so versatile! really opens up the doors for all kinds of designs. my goal is to create several designs that incorporate fabric appliquéd on the the surface and then the detail overlaid with the screen print. i have already planned out a t-shirt design with this idea in mine utilizing my latest Lady Monster, Lady Wasp, WIP/Sketch of which is below. the painting of this Lady is giving me fits, but i'm learning.

so still a bit scattered, but some things are coming together, along with making lace out of metal i have been working on fiber lace around metal, like this.

many things still keeping me up, but not as late and not as intense, which is a bit of a relief, but i still have that feeling that there needs to be more hours in the day for me to get to it all. but at least i have more to show for all this energy expenditure now

there is no time to sleep

i've been wearing myself ragged. sewing job is still steady and now that i've started working on my own designs i spend all my time in craft land, and by all my time i mean all the hours when i'm awake, and since i've only been getting about four hours sleep a night... well thats a lot of productive time.

i'm scattered though. i need to have a better plan instead of just flitting from one project to the next.

i have one item done. all this work and one bag. i have many other things in the works but i can't help thinking that if i would concentrate on finishing one thing instead of working on five things... well i might get more done that way.

i'm exhausted and frazzeled and jazzed and completely energized to the point of almost total insomnia. i don't sleep cause i'm thinking, i'm creating, i'm planning and organizing. i have so many ideas that i can't contain them all and must search out answers and solutions at 3:30 am... or knit for 8 hours straight through the night cause i just can't wait to see how it turns out.

this energy is great, don't get me wrong. and i'm positively giddy with all the creative stuff buzzing in my head. but its a little too much at times, i need some focus and a good calm down.

there just so much to do...

the one thing i've finished is ---> here

New Projects

Lady Monsters! so i've been working on a painting project. a series in oils that i hope will help improve my technique, there is something about oils that just fascinates me, the way they blend, the smoothness and the texture. i wish i had more time for it.

i'm working in a series i call "Lady Monsters", an idea i've had since working on my masters thesis. i developed a museum exhibit about fashion, specifically the corset and its role in creating shapes/silhouettes that were fashionable during that time. for this i drew a series of illustrations depicting the different silhouettes, i spent a lot of time and research looking at fashion plates to getting just the right look for each decade and they started to invade my mind. the shapes are so strange when they are abstracted. a thesis is such a stressful thing, something that tends to take over your life, i started to dream these images, and these ladies i was drawing began to take on a monstrousness that was hard to define. the facade that these images covered, the insidious nature that "high society" can take on, all culminated in my mind in the form of Lady Monsters.

the first that i have started is "Lady Siren in Green" she is an early 20th century shape, 1903, but the S-curve seemed to lend itself so well to the image i wanted to create, she is a take on the mythological Siren who lured ships onto the rocks with her song. (Picture above, work in progress)

Once i finish it i will put it up on my etsy site, and start the next one, Lady Wasp.

Polished for Daily Wear is a new blog i have started. i recently rediscovered an old love of crazy nail polish. when i was in middle school and high school i was polish obsessed, spending lots of time (with very little technique) mixing my own polish colors both in the bottle and on my nails. the other night i spent about 6 hours watching nail art tutorials on youtube and realized... i still love nail polish and there is so many fun products out there now to help make amazing designs. so i've taken up yet another hobby, heh, i like to think of it as art you carry around with you everyday, which makes me happy :)

can i really just do this?

so i went to this strange triangular government building today, had to ask how to find th elevator to get to the second floor. after winding my way around through a rabbit warren of cubicles i pushed the button and got into the faux wood paneled box and rode up to the second floor, believe me, if i could have found the stairs i would have taken them. now i understand why most elevators are paneled with reflective type material, makes them seem bigger... i'm not claustrophobic by any means, but as i gazed up at the wood grate covering the lights i couldn't help but thinking how dreary it would be to work in the building and take such an oppressive elevator to my office each morning.

once i arrived on the second floor i encountered another cubicle forest. luckily the division i wanted was straight ahead of me. i walked up to the little window and set my keys on the narrow counter, the idea that the window would be necessary seemed sort of silly, the walls of the cubicles were standard Office Space height and i could have easily lean over them to gaze creepily down at any one of the people looking intently (but leisurely, i must say) into their monitors. so maybe the little window was necessary for their nerves... i couldn't say, having never had a comfortable government office job, and the part of me that sort of secretly covets the comfortable government office job had to fight the urge to lear over the top of the cubicle wall about a foot down from the window until i was noticed and escorted out...

but i did not do this, i also did not ring the bell provided, having worked at other, less comfortable, jobs that provide a bell i know how the sound of it can bring on the most terrible feeling of dread and loathing for the ringer of said bell. so i did not right it, but waited patiently to be noticed and helped, and i didn't have to wait long, an efficient government worker soon got up from her comfortable chair and asked me how she could help me, i like to think her response was so efficient precisely because i refrained from the temptation of the bell.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" she said with a slight quizzical glance at my hair, which is cherry cola red with asymmetrical bangs, at the moment. I have notice that people do this, it is the bangs. they spend an inordinate amount of time trying to decide, i theorize at least, if the asymmetry of my fringe is purposeful, or the result of a self given cut attempted while in some state of inebriation. its an entertaining mental process to observe.

"I need to get a 'resale licence'...?" i say with a question in my voice, completely unsure if this is the term, or the first step, or i know not what. i have no idea what i'm doing, i just know i need to attain some sort of licence, permit, registration or something to be a business. i mean, i'm sure there is something that must be done, paper work wise, before i can own a business, right? i can't just declare myself in business, or can i...

"Do you mean a ____?" i have no idea what she called it, but i assume that she, comfortable and competent government employee in the state department of revenue and taxes or some such something, knows more than me. i just sew.

so i say "uh... yeah." and she looks at me again, then hands me the form.

"Just fill this out, you can either do it here or bring it back, and there is a $60 filing fee." then she must have sensed my complete lack of knowing what i was about and took pity on me. she then said in a kinder, more candid voice "There are more comfortable chairs and a table around the corner there," with a smile.

i nodded, and took the form and the pen-taped-to-giant-flower that was proffered with the form and went around the corner. what met my troubled gaze instantly made me feel better. it was a small triangular alcove, in the strange triangular building, that had a large cement wall on the left, the cubicles behind me and ahead of me was a surprisingly well designed view off a balcony into the central triangular space of the three story building. stuck back in this alcove were a few waiting room style arm chairs and a small, round, white table with four chairs set round it, all molded, rounded, white plastic with golden yellow seats, reminded me of part of the set from 2001, but in a cheery, eggy, 1970s-kitchen kind of way. i was sure these pieces of furniture had been in government use since before i was born, before the cubicles went up. it made me instantly more comfortable, and i sat down, gazed off the balcony once more and marveled at the central area it overlooked, one does not expect airy and bright triangles from one's government office buildings, one would be much more likely to anticipate squares and low ceilings...

i inspected the form more closely, i had all the information i need to fill it out... but was this really all i needed? fill out one, fairly straightforward, one page form and then i'd be a business? there was the place for my name, the name i'd be doing business under, the type of business... but that was pretty much it. i guess thats all you really need for a basic hobby business like mine. fill out this little form so you can register, get a business bank account, and send off your sales taxes... and thats it? why haven't i been a business before?

i finished and returned to the window with completed form, she looked over it with me, for which i was thankful, i wrote a check for the fee and she said i would be getting a call in a few days and that was it. i said my thanks and wandered back to the elevator, slightly dazed by the relative ease of the thing. the elevator ride down didn't feel nearly as dismal, and as i pushed my way out the doors of the triangular building i laughed a bit to myself, i am a business now!

i just couldn't do it

so these last few months have been strange. my grandmother died the day after thanksgiving. she was an amazing lady, devoted to the idea of education and so very industrious. after spending a week with my family from near and far i went back to work, and put in my notice.

no more bank.

the small sewing job has gotten bigger, and is big enough that, for now at least, i can support myself doing that. it may not last though, so in anticipation of that i have gone into craft overdrive and am going to get some of my own designs made and online for purchase soon...

i have been sewing, knitting, crocheting, jewelry making, painting and designing like mad for several weeks now. its strange to think i might actually make this work but since no proper museum job is forthcoming i have to do something that i can enjoy and be proud of, and my artsy craftiness is the next best thing to museuminess.

we'll see how it goes...

... 6 months later

and i have not taken the banking world by storm, in fact its all i can do to keep from crying each day as i walk in and sit in my station, i always get there early to get coffee and prepare myself for the spirit crushing challenges of the day. the first challenge: morning meeting. now i like my direct supervisors, the ones i work with all the time, but the higher-ups, not so much. have to hear the same thing every day about getting sales, sales, sales, how every conversation should have a sales recommendation, even though its supposed to be needs based selling, and most people we see have all their needs met already, so i'm not sure how that supposed to work... its been terribly slow in the bank, apparently it usually is in the summer, just the regulars and businesses. i don't know who they expect us to sell to, its endlessly frustrating, and can't help feeling like a small child being chastised for parents' divorce or bankruptcy or other such event that a lowly cog like myself has no control over.

in short, i really don't like it, i had hoped that at the very least people would be more polite and respectful in a bank, but i think an emphasis on a customer is always right mentality in our culture has just bred ruder customers who feel as if they can and should be able to say whatever they want to us knowing we can't do the same, this behavior seems to be across the board, doesn't matter where you work. and the bias against big banking is so prevalent that people seem to become unreasonable over the smallest of things. to set a few things straight...

1. banks don't make their money off of fees, they make money off of charging interest on various loans, the fees are there to discourage certain activities, encourage others, and offset bank expenses. example- overdraft fees- YOU ARE SPENDING MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE, the bank basically fronted you the money, gave you a small loan, unless there has been some mistake on someone else's part there should be consequences for that. service fees- most banks have a way to eliminate the service fee, usually with the addition of other things like a savings acct or direct deposit, its to encourage the customer to do all of their banking in one place. check cashing fee- you don't have an account at a bank but have a check from a business that does, so you go there to cash it, and they charge you a fee. cashing a check, even one drawn on the same bank is still a service the bank chooses to provide and it costs the bank to do so, the fee is waived for those who have accounts. there are labor costs involved, at the teller window of course but also in other areas, the bank has to have more money on hand to accommodate cashing checks for people, and transporting and storing money securely is an expensive undertaking, so the fee just offsets what it costs the bank to provide this service. to end this one out, don't look at me as if those fees go straight into my pocket, i have no control over that. if you bank wisely you shouldn't get any fees. before i ever worked in one it had been years since i had any kind of fee.

2. there are rules and laws to banking that if we do not follow could result not only is us loosing our job but possible criminal charges, so when the bank says "no, you can't do that" its not one person being mean, its usually a law or regulation being ethically upheld. example - how a check has been made out is very important, the written amount is what we go by, not the numeric, it can only be cashed or deposited on or after the day its dated. and only the person who it is made out to can negotiate it, unless it has been properly signed over to someone else and that signature verified. if it is made out to multiple parties then its even trickier. we have to pay attention to these details to protect all parties concerned. so when i tell you you can't cash a check made out to a business when you don't have business accounts or any way to prove you own the business, i'm saying that so that the check doesn't come back and get the both of us in trouble, i'm not being spiteful, i'm being ethical and doing my job. oh and p.s. a business card is in no way proof that you are in fact the sole proprietor of said business, one can have a business card made up to say ANYTHING.

3. debit cards are your friends. checks are the enemy. and cash... don't even get me started, example -i saw a counterfeit $10 today, it was a very good fake, very good. besides if you loose it its just gone, no getting it back, and if you spend it all unless you keep record of all your receipts you have no record of where it all went. i have talked to people who after a long time of being set on only using cash, finally got accounts and found when they could see where it was all going they could budget better. example - someone can steal your identity from the information on a check. think about it, your name, Address, Phone Number, SIGNATURE, ACCOUNT NUMBER, i've even seen some checks with a social security number on them. i don't care what lifelock says, thats not a good idea. a debit card contains none of this information on it, and as long as you keep your pin to yourself and keep track of the thing you should be safe. and if you do loose it you can cancel it right away and since the number on it is NOT your account number they can just send you a new debit card and you don't have to worry. some one takes a box of checks and you'd have to close out the account entirely and open all new to protect yourself, and even then they can still write checks to some places that don't have the tech to verify the account is active and that could be very hard to find and fight, and do much damage to your credit. just because you have always done something one way does not mean its the best way, and by not being open to change you could be doing yourself damage.

sorry for the banking rant but its just so frustrating how stubborn people are when they don't understand how these things work and don't want to admit it or have it explained even though most of the time there could be a much easier way. also they get so upset and concerned about the wrong things. they get angry when we ask for two forms of ID before giving our info or money, apparently we should just know who they are, they've been "banking here for 20 years!", or my favorite "i just deposited to that account of course its me!" you can deposit into anyone's account, just because you put $100 into Tom Jones's account does not make you Tom Jones so if you want Tom Jones's account balance i'll need to see ID, we're just trying to protect their money and they're mad, yet they'll gladly write out checks and carry lots of cash around, and don't have a debit card cause they don't think they're safe. its maddening.

coping... i have plastered my small space (finally have my own space now, for a while i felt like a total vagabond assigned to a different station every day) with post-its covered in costume designs and notes on what all i would design and make for various costumey things if i had the time and the means, as well as thoughts and notes on the network i would create around said costumery in an attempt to coax forth a viable occupation out of it all. it helps me feel better but am sure to get talked to soon about drawing where people can see me. apparently when there is no one in the bank and nothing for us to do we are just supposed to sit quietly, staring straight ahead in eager anticipation for the next customer... i feel the strain of it all and am getting increasingly morose and bitter, all my creativity and happiness leaching out of me onto the strange pink and black marble counter top.

on the more positive and interesting side, small sewing side job is picking up. can only hope it will manifest into something more substantial and save me from soul death and corporate rhetoric and propaganda brain suck before i'm reduced to a gibbering idiot who can only repeat trite phrases in a sing-song voice with a fixed smile.